change

I need to learn to say no more often.
I need to be more decisive.
I need to get organised.
I need to stay on the ORIGINAL course of action, and COMPLETE IT.
I need to be less frustrated, less irritated, for I am at times, more irritating and frustrating than others.
I need to be more punctual and manage my time better.
I need to be more selfish, and more generous at times too.
I need to care less, and think more.

I need to change.

.

No more excuses..!

After tomorrow, I will officially cease to be a student..

No more 'I am just a student'
No more submissions past deadlines
No more feigning ignorance
No more pushing of responsibilities
NO MORE EXCUSES

On a related note, it is heartening and at the same time, demoralising to see that some of your peers become so darn successful in their endeavours. Of course, the recognition of hardwork and efforts must not be denied. They, well, most of them, do deserve the compliments.

All the sweat, late hours, ridiculous efforts, culminating in the moment of recognition,glory and success.

While being happy for them, I cant help feeling this..
"its not you cant, its you didn't"

Time to carve out my own success man.
No more excuses..

.

And I am hopeful..

The place seem nice enough.

From what I saw, it feels almost family..

The queer quirks of everyone, the greetings of a randomly passing-by instructor, the cash-means-nothing-food-is-gold, the numerous smiles and positive vibes, feedback from guys who joined just a few months back, the friendly chatter from HR and TD side, the seemingly genuine pictures painted by the staff...

How taxing it might get during high key, the long hours, late nights, lifeless days outfield, how interesting the staff trips are, enforced breaks, how the programs are structured, how you can feel that fun is almost an integral part of its operations as hardwork is..

The little orientation into the office gave a glimpse of the culture etc.. tables are messy, workarea customised personally, pantry contributions by everyone, no food left put money into piggy bank, gears and stuff thrown all over the place, organised chaos, the kind of feeling you get when you are home.

It sure feels like home, like one big family, well not entirely family yet. More accurately, you know the feeling that u get when u go visit your friend's place? where their parents siblings etc welcome you in heartily? The warm fuzzy feeling?

I was wrong once. And for that, I remained guarded. I can only hope that, these people turn out what they seem, that behind all the smiles and friendly faces, lie hearts that are as genuine and approachable..

The signs are good. And I am hopeful:)

.

Define 'Family'

Family.

A word too often misconstrued.

Symbolism of a relationship not always by blood, nor race, gender, caste, hierarchy and all that crap, but by feelings towards one another..


Family is when you slam the table, let loose a verbal warfare, dig out long-forgotten misgivings, and start cursing, thinking but never truly wishing terrible things upon one another.. and an hour later.. mummy brings in a washed cooling china pear, literally erasing any traces of malevolence in the air..

Wahahahahaha..!

.

Do you have someone watching over you?

Do you have days where you feel as if someone's watching over you? You woke up excited and looking forward to the day, things went your way, disaster averted (twice), a few close shave, pleasant encounters and happenings after one another..!

You feel as if you are extremely blessed, everything seems so 顺心如意, so fortunate, so lucky!!

A really big thank you for watching out for me, for making my day and making me smile:)

In life

Life for me started out pretty well..
Why has it come to this?
Did I peak too early?
Is this the best I can do?
Am I destined for a life of mediocrity?

I can do better, much much better.
I don't want anymore what ifs.
I don't want to live a life of unfulfilled potential.
I don't want feelings of could-have-done-better.
I don't want anymore regrets.

Success came early.
It went early too.

I need to arrest the slide.
Now's the time to put it right.

This farked up attitude needs changing.
I need to get competitive, with myself.
I need to get uncomfortable, to challenge myself.

I am going to get better. In life.

.

IM Tiongkok

Ok Bang (Weichern),
Unlike dua pao xian (Hongwei), I settled the 1/2 liao.
And btw he still owes us a darn big meal..

In reference to your chatterbox post (see right column of blog)
And also our msn convo the other day,

Lets do IM Tiongkok next year!!

http://ironmanchina.com/

And btw, to a certain Mr Lim Zeyan, whom I know browses this blog rather frequently..

eh next year wan pia pride not??
I say YOU CANT DO IT.

wah si li wah buay lun
BRING ON THE EGO MAN

.

Ironman70.3 Singapore 2009

The entire weekend had been absolutely outstanding! It truly was a memorable experience man.

Pre-race:
The entire big splash area at ECP was buzzing with excitement in anticipation of the big race last weekend. From the setting up of the expo tents, to transition areas etc, it was a fairly large logistics operation.

Went down with Weiloong to collect our race kits on Friday. Wrong, I collected my race kit, he collected a free dinner. Bummer. Anyway, we were just commenting on how pretty some volunteers are! haha plenty of chiobus eh?!! Not to mention that the yellow event volunteer tee shirt's darn nice too, lol. Collected the race kit and got wrist tagged by some pretty lass.(plenty of these all over the place, the babes that is, not the race kits)

Saw plenty of big names in triathlon around! The reigning 2008 Ironman World Champion was signing autographs, damn for the lack of initiative to bring a poster or a camera!! And just nice we were sooooo lucky to bump into the 2007 World Champion too! and also the fastest woman on this planet over e Ironman distance. And this was just at race kit collection, even before the carbo-loading dinner.. OMFG starstruck.

Proceeded to dinner. This was where I realised my primary reason for never being able to do well in races. The food is soooo carbo, so blardi bland!! I would never be able to have such diet 3 days in a row, never mind long term. But credit to them lar, it wasn't as bad as it sounded. Still, pass me the chilli crab or the char kway teow over tofu, chicken breast and pasta man.

Went back home feeling uber excited about the race:)

Sat was bike check-in. Security was super tight, especially with the recent tribob incident (someone got a P2C stolen.) Weather was bad though, or rather, I chose a bad time to deposit my bike, such a dampener.

Sunday! Woohooo! Woke up at 4plus in the morning feeling pretty pumped up. Had a big big breakfast before moving out. Was on the car when the skies started drizzling again. Happening! Reached big splash and proceeded to body mark. Babes galore again. hahaha a great way to start a great day! hehe. Set up transition and proceeded to do a lil warmup before lining up.

The first wave were the pro triathletes. OMG super cooooool! It was a staggered start and they had a 15mins headstart before our wave. Ridiculous is the word. Ridiculously fast!! They were already in their 2nd lap (~950m per lap) before we were flagged off!

Swim:
2nd Open water race swim. The currents were IMO stronger than the Singapore Biathlon. Choppier waters means bodies crashing and pulling apart. Alot alot more wrestling matches here too. Relatively to Sgp Bi, not for the weak hearted man. But that was just the start lar. It got better actually after the 1st buoy. While stroking at my own pace in the water, that was when I realised, I am finally in the race! Oh anyway Singapore Biathlon wasn't a good prep for this race. Relatively, the nuts in 70.3 were faster. Like way way faster than those NS navy boys forced to take part in Sgp Bi, haha! Back to the race, Laps 1 and 2 passed by without much incident. And it wasn't long before I exited the waters for the bike leg. A BIG HI TO WEIZHEN AND YIHUI!!! and off i went into transition:)

Bike:
I UNDERESTIMATED the bike leg. GROSSLY. To those tri nuts and the race organisers who mentioned that the bike leg is generally flat and fast, DO NOT BELIEVE THEM! Of course, 1 year from now, ill be saying 'oh, its just a ride in the park' but for a noobie, I will summarise how you will feel in 2 words. Farked up. The climb up sheares was ok in lap1, shagged in lap2, %$#@ painful in lap3. Not to mention that theres a series of ups and downs again all the way till the turnaround at pasir panjang! Lucky though that I didn't have to dismount and push, super lug seh, haha. With no time expectations or targets whatsoever, I enjoyed the ride though. It helped that the skies were overcast and weather rather cool and breezy. How often will u get to zoom(read crawl) past the city scape on a bike on the expressway?!! The feeling was really good man. Oh, and while in our 1st and 2nd laps, the pros went zooming past us!! It was as if the slopes weren't there. They were incredibly fast!! Incredibly cool too. OMFG. It'll take years, probably eternity, to be able to ride like them man. Anyway, a painful but pretty enjoyable 3hrs plus later, I pushed the bike into transition for the run.

Run:
Took a snail's pace in transition, and an even slower time for the run. 1st 70.3, chill lar! Enjoyed the aid stations, ogled at babes, both competitors and volunteers. haha. Walked more than ran actually. The legs couldn't get fired up. I will do more bricks for next year. 1st lap was still ok, but the next 2 laps were disastrous. Every few steps, the leg muscles kept seizing up. Calves, hamstrings whatnot. It was irritating, knowing that you are still relatively full of stamina actually but just cant run properly. Saw YUWEI, WEILOONG, YIHUI and WEIZHEN on the later part of the run leg. Quite gekgian right?! Other ppl dying liao, I still can shout at you guys, talk cock with ppl, lobo. Lungs got breath, legs got cramps, lan lan. Anyway, the 3laps weren't as bad as I had expected it to be. (likely due to the inability to induce a sustained run at all, tmd) By now, the sun had came up, and Singapore's East Coast Park was basking in its full glory! Hot + Humid = Steamroom for angmos. Haha. Came to know quite some people here. Managed to chat with a lady from California, and later, a local tennis coach for a good portion of the run..

It was 2plus pm in the afternoon when I crossed the finish line! Woohoo! Been on the move since early morning 7plus!! HIGH AH!!! I cant really put into words how I felt at the finish line man. Pardon the language, but it was uber farking good. haha. And a big big thanks to LINNA:) for being there in my glorious moment:)))

Some After thoughts (in a totally random irrelevant order) :

Now I can understand why there are crazy ppl willing to pay thousands of dollars on a bike, hundreds more on apparel and accessories, and countless hours training for events like this:)

Same here, I can only write so much, you would have to tri to find out. Its good. Really really &%$@ good.

I am so gonna do it again next year.

Triathletes are pretty HOT. Both babes and hunks. Coupled with large numbers of pretty volunteers, spectators and supporters, it makes for a VISUALLY impactful race. HAHAHA

There are those who put triathlons in their travel plans. Eg travel to a place for a week, do an ironman, just a day in the park kinda thing. HOW COOL IS THAT?!! Endurance sports travel. NICEEEEE. Busselton beckons, hehehe

How often can u play in the same pitch as Ryan Giggs? Or on the same court as LeBron James? Or same course as Tiger Woods? Here in triathlon, you are in the same race as some of the biggest names in the sport! (Of course, they only take half the time you needed to finish, but thats besides the point.) Same race course, same time! And you can even try to better them, that is IF you can.

My last point is to those people who think they wana tri, but are either scared to do so, or think they cant.. I started out not being able to swim freestyle (those who swam 1/2lap free, wana die, u know u know??), no fierce looking tri bike, alien to clipons 105 ultrgra profile aero helmet, cant run for nuts. And grossly overweight.

Learnt freestyle using some video downloaded from mininova.org, drank copious amounts of pool water, scrimped and saved to get a better roadie (I still don have a tri bike), Got my fatass out and swam,biked,ran.

A few months, with a tighter ass, 2shirt sizes down, couple inches off my waist and 70.3miles later, I am half an Ironman. (Fark half, Next year, Im gonna do the blardi full thing)


Now now, whats your excuse?















.

Riding in the rain

It has always been the sun for me. Bright sunny days are nice. With the warm rays caressing the skin, a gentle breeze every now and then, such days are perfect for a little rendezvous with the 2wheelie.

While I was out for my long ride today though, it rained. Like a rhapsody of sorts, it gathered pace and started pouring before gradually settling down to a more amenable precipitation. Thru'out, I was on the trusty jamis, hammering the cranks and enjoying the unexpected repertoire of the elements.

It may sound stupid for some, amusing for others. But the experience was good. Really really good. Contemplative, therapeutic, calm, inner-peace kind of good. During the ride, some baggages were dropped, compromises made, resolutions reaffirmed, goals realigned.

It was so good that I started grinning like an idiot while peddling in the rain.

In between a comfortable cadence and the lonely stretch of roads, riding has always been exhilarating. Today, the rain was a bonus:)

(Oh did I mention that the seas during high tide and pouring rains were 'I M BADASSED' kind of cool!! Cant imagine sailing in those white caps man, HIGH AH)

.

Waiting

Just when u think you are losing faith and giving up,
a call came..

While the contents are privy to those involved only,
(nope I aint gonna share it here)

the bottomline is...

Some things are just worth waiting for:)))

.

Random updates

Ive gotten a few rather interesting calls recently.

The first would be a request to do an interview for the upcoming 70.3 race. This is pretty funny actually. Some PR consultant for the race called to check if I would be willing to do some interview with the media. Apparently, I fit their profile of an inspirational character, HAHAHA!!
Sadly, I said no.. Should have just gone and hook up with some inspirational BABES huh, DAMN

The second would be a confirmation of the OBS selection camp this Friday. Haha its gonna be 3 days of mingle+mingle+survival+sit test!

The third, which I just received this morning, is a call to check if I am available for the nxt round interview on a job I previously applied for. Those go and be a cheebei kind, u know u know?? Pretty interesting, but too bad I have lessons on Monday, and had already resolved to go for them after the Mid-term break! Its ok though, the HR said to call again to fix another date, likely between mid March and early April.

Keep the calls coming! They make my life interesting! hahaha
Com'on NGOs, CALL ME CALL ME!!!

On an unrelated note, the Aussie trip is CONSPERM. Woohoooo

.

Because he is Imba-like

Because going down that path gives him no other options but to succeed.
Because the alternative would have been unimaginable.
Because for the big returns, he would have to take big risks.
Because he only lives once.

Because he wouldnt know if he could swim unless he dives.
Because he wouldnt know if he could fly unless he leaps off the edge.
Because he wouldnt know if he could succeed unless he whacks.

Because he needs to know.

Because even if he fails initially, all he needs to do is to pick himself up, and have another go at it again.

Because the only thing he shouldn't do, is to do nothing.

Because he is gonna make it happen, and he is gonna kick your arses while making it happen.
Because you are all gonna feel so miserable, amazed, surprised and regret big time when he kicks your arses.

Because he is imba-like.
Because he is me.

.

.

The man who can't be moved- The Script

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move,
Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand,
Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am,
Some try to hand me money they don't understand,
I'm not...broke I'm just a broken hearted man,
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do,
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you...

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

Policeman says son you can't stay here,
I said there's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year,
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows,
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go.

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

People talk about the guy
Who's waiting on a girl...
Oohoohwoo
There are no holes in his shoes
But a big hole in his world...
Hmmmm

and maybe I'll get famous as man who can't be moved,
And maybe you won't mean to but you'll see me on the news,
And you'll come running to the corner...
Cos you'll know it's just for you

I'm the man who can't be moved
I'm the man who can't be moved...

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.
[Repeat in background]

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag not I'm not gonna move.

.

uh oh............

I actually find myself hoping to see u online..

I look forward to talking/smsing u..

I am kinda looking forward to project meetings.. wtf..

uh oh...........

A more apt phrase frequently adopted by the Guailan Gang:
Siaoliao siaoliao siaoliao siaoliao siaoliao

.

Of buses and dreams

While leaving my place to meet Norman and Perry at Safra Tampines today, I happened to miss the bus while stepping outta the elevator. As some of you might know, waiting for bus15 is an anal pain in the arse. Wearing flipflops, I took off, chasing after the bus and hoping that there would be a queue waiting to board, thus stalling for time.

Alas, it was not to be! The blardi bus started moving off when I can actually stretch my hand out and knock on the window! And there's this girl looking outta window, quite a looker too, seeing my futile attempt at trying to signal to the bus driver!

Pissed, irritated and already uber late, I tore off, sprinting over to the next consecutive busstop. A few moments later, frigging outta breath, I managed to catch the SAME bus at the next stop! (It helped that there are two traffic lights enroute to that next stop. And an intimate knowledge of the surrounding environment is never a bad thing too since I have had to dash through some voiddecks to get to that damn bus. )

She looked particularly surprised to see me board that darn bus;) I guess those interval trainings helped afterall, heh.


Now ask yourselves:


Do you sit down by the busstop, knowing for sure that you will be spending another 20mins to catch the next bus?
Or
Do you sprint like someone whose arse's on fire, finding yourself gasping for breath in the end, sweating and sticky, knowing full well that while there might be a fighting chance of catching this bus, but very likely you will STILL have to be sitting down at the next blardi busstop, spending 20mins, catch your breath, and cursing at your screwed up luck and the driver's propensity for his smartassed timing.


Its just a bus, for goodness sake! Now.. what if, that is the last bus of the day?

Substitute the blardi bus for dreams/opportunities/friends/loved ones.

Chase, for that fighting chance.


I am done with the damn blardi bus, bring on my dreams man.

.

22nd March 2009

*This article was previously typed and saved but not published.*

Why is 22nd March 2009 important to me:

Because over the years I have lost a great amount of self-discipline and determination. Doing this race well would tell me I still have it in me.

Because I wanna change myself, physically I have gained it and lost it, doing the race would enable me to gain it once more.

Because having a tangible goal and training for it brings about greater clarity and perspectives in the grander scheme of things.

Because during the long swim/bike/run, I gained a therapeutic sense of peace never experienced elsewhere.

Because the swim/bike/run represent something that isn't me, and by accomplishing it on my own terms, I would hopefully gain new insights about myself.

Because sometimes swim/bike/run mirrors life. Times you flatted, times you are weary, times rest is enforced upon you due to weather injuries, times you feel restless, times you feel you can go on forever..

Because I have the urge to leave it all out on the course, to push my body to where it has never gone before.

Because I sought to experience crossing the finish line.

Because I wana prove to the world that I can.

Because if I can, so can you.

.

Seriously..

Am I serious about this thing?
To be honest, I dont have a very good track record of following every idea to the very end.

Even things on what I wanna do, stuff I wanna pursue, of the millions of stuff in my head, about 10 percent is articulated to the goons who know me. And of that 10 percent, perhaps only another 10 percent is pushed to physical realisation. And of that, a final meagre 10 percent is followed through to the very end.

But...

This is really something I wana do. More importantly, this feels like something I would derive great joy and enjoyment in doing, and is able to garner a sustained effort doing it.

Also, by some divine stroke of luck or intervention, the idea just evolved further into greater clarity. Its not a 'woooh, this looks cool' moment of impulse, or a 'I am envious' moment of jealousy, much less a 'I must be like him' knee-jerk reaction. In fact, this seemingly ludicrous, yet so simple idea is a culmination of various considerations, factors, repeated refining and constant questioning reflective sessions put together..

The amount of effort, research and time tells me this is something I should SERIOUSLY consider. The career-plunging, showhand, a-few-years-of-my-life, a sizeable-portion-of-my-pocket kind of serious.

No. This is not a knee-jerk reaction nor a 3min fervour thing.

Muay-thai, dance, cable-ski, blading, sailing, climbing, mountaineering, bball yada yada, these are hobbies, interests, fun. Did I pursue? Some yes, many no. Alot of it is just day-dreaming though. Even the eee-eee-orh-orh cant be considered a full follow through. Afterall, that isn't my full potential or half of what I am capable of, no?

This is different.

This, in my mind, has a beginning, and an end. A point where the dream starts, the full physical realisation of it, signposts along the way, and the final benchmark where it will be judged upon.

I WILL draw up a plan for it. A sustainable full-sized graphical research paper on black and white, just for it. Consult profs, seniors, mentors etc on it.



Quite farking positive I wana do this.



You goons will be invited to shoot holes, criticise, whack, comment etc on it after I am done. For now though, I am holding the cards dear to myself.






**Goons in this instance refer to anyone with a vested interest in how I am doing, be it just for coffee-table gossip or otherwise. Whether I know you from RSS, DHS, SAF or anyhow anywhere, you are refered henceforth in this article as goons.

Of course, some of you are more goons than the others.

.

momentum

The past month had been rather inconsistent. In fact, its been on and off since I got sick last Dec.

For now though, finally gotten back the momentum.
The thing is not to lose it again.

Today at the pool..
It was at lap 20 when the temptation to quit is darn high. But yesterday's chat with Uncle Chan came to mind, and the quote from Lance Armstrong's autobiography came forth too, "Pain is temporary but quitting lasts forever."

The feeling after the completion of the workout is SO DARN GOOD!!
Shagged but shuang. The thing about it is that you have the feeling to wanna go at it again, and soon.

In fact, after lunch at the tamp station, I had had the impulse to go swim again. But of course, impulse is well, just impulse. Rationality prevails lar duh.

Tmr though, swim + run, anyone?

.

Brotherhood

Of steamboats and chainsaw duels,
enoki mushrooms and pork stews.

The beacon that spoiled the soup,
guailan is the name of the brotherhood.

Heres a half-farked attempt at prose,
better leave it to the pros.



Its the time of the year again.. wahahaha time to extend our visas.. again..
EH CHU YI WATCH WAD MOVIE AH???

.

LIVE UPDATES!!

There has been some changes in the program over the next 2 days, which essentially shows that u can always plan, but be mentally prepared for them to go haywire.

Swim shopping and zuaing game with yuwei tmr. fark we are turning gay. DONT HANG OUT SO OFTEN LE LAR!!! nabei, its not like u'll intro gals to me lor.. pui!!

No more fyping tmr.. my fyp mate just broke up today. On her birthday somemore.. wtf man.. 5 yrs of r/s.. that has gotta hurt real bad man. theres alota important stuff in life than the stupid project.. take it easy lar ah..

Yuwei PANGSEHS steamboat on saturday!! nabei, NOBODY only just remember got sth on de lar!! I have another kee siao idea though. We arrange to go msia for the gathering lar. whole lot go whack hay poh, muahahaha.

Talking about steamboat, lee wei loong, when can we have steamboat again ah? i miss the uber lotsa mushrooms, jin zhen ku is imba, wahahaha

Anyway, Norman Khoo jios all perspective ex dunmanians for a bball this sat in Dunman High (Tg Rhu) Wah that day play abit, uber shiok man. Old place new compound. feels nostalgic, haha.

NK n WL, dinner/movie after bball on sat. Tamp area. Gina is coming. Wooooooooohhhhh

Joleen, paiseh for the pangseh. lets meet up soon.

Piak, TAKE 005!!! Dont need think so much le lar. just whack!!! And I wan Popeyes!!!

Yihui, Berkelah veri sian lei.. slippery trek, walk on rock, go up just to see swimming pool-_- jio more interesting ppl go can?!! preferably single and chio zhabors!!! wahahaa

Haven been biking as much as I would have liked. Shucks and running too. Must pump up le.

I MUST FINALISE MY TRAINING PLANS TMR!!

Many ppl said ive changed.. hmmm have i?? Ok I shopped or rather, loitered at shopping malls alot more these days (its cny, damit!) And its just some new slippers new clothes and a new farking hair cut nia lar! Ok granted, got some new stuff i wana learn, new things wana whack, new goals to hit, new jobs/careers to try out. Become more vocal, more direct and inevitably more kaobei. Less beating about the proverbial bush, less PC.

Fundamentally, still the same though. still equally guailan, equally kaobei, equally irritating. One thing's changed though, for once in a long time, I've decided to live for myself a lil more.

想说什么，just whack
想做什么，just whack
想着什么，just whack

loving it:) Life is supposed to be this simple. just whack! hehehe

In a totally random order:

Have you ever wondered..

Everything that u used/see, whether its a electronics like a hp, a furniture like a chair or even a component like a zip, clip, its very likely that there's a millionaire behind it?

Businesses/startup, though require huge initial amounts of capital, are rarely bankrupt in the First few years of the startup? (how many 20odd yr old business failures u see around u?) failure is subjective though

Condoms do sell really well. Bottomline, u don need a winning product. u just need to find a product with a huge demand.

Talking about condoms, why the hell is there a need for strawberry, banana and other smlj flavoured condoms? I mean, the dick isn gonna taste it, neither is whatever hole ure gonna put your dick. OH WAIT.... the mouth..... oooooohhhhh...

Deductive reasoning here.. going by the laws of demand and supply, dd up ss up. so.. popularity/common-ness of flavoured condoms on ntuc/7-11/cheers/mamashop = dd for such stuff is high = using the mouth is common... OMFG

Muay Thai or Salsa? or both?

March is coming. Races are coming. Time to chiong?

Kenya Nepal SEA? Human, marine creatures or animals? Community development or wildlife conservation? 12,18 or 24mths? To go or not to go?

Time to go school. The feeling-of-wanting-to-attend-school triumphs. for now. Will finetune this post later, if I have the mood for it. The malay tutor is darn boring. Though the idea of knowing how to converse in malay sounds cool.

Before malay tutorial though, its swim time. :) Cooooooool.

swim, malay, shopping, zua game, manU, swim, run, fyp is the order for the next two days. Life isnt too bad huh. Could have been better though, oh wells........

Note: if you'r privy to the enlightening talk-cock session from 13jan2009 10plus to 14jan2009 1plus, you would have understood the flow of the first part of this post. if not, well too bad then.

.

A letter to The Creator

If it is true that there is a Creator, here would be some stuff I would like to ask Him..

Dear God,

What is the reason for my existence?
It seem that I don't have much for my parents to be proud of. Instead, I have been disappointing and worrying them. I am not an example that my brother can look up to. In fact, it seems my brother is so much more successful than I am. It seems that I don't bring much happiness to my friends. It seems that I deride on others often, that I am noisy for I am lonely inside, I am loud for I am quiet inside.

What is success then? How can I be successful?
While it is generally accepted that success is always subjective, it seems that I have always been a failure. Failure in the many stuff that I embark on, either given up halfway or incomplete. How can I feel success then? On the benchmark of others or mine? Does society determine success?

What is love?
I am sure I have experienced unconditional love from my parents. I mean, the things that transpired throughout my mundane existence, probably only those termed family, have the stomach to bear. But how about friends? Someone special? Friends I have, and many close ones too, but dont we all eventually part? Besides, arent the emotional friendship deposits and cashouts just another form of transaction, no? Someone special isnt something I can even comment on. You see, its non-existence in my life thus far.. and very likely will remain thus for a long time..

What is hope?
It seems that hope is essentially more pain and suffering. For the greater the hope, the greater the eventual dispair. Things either just happen, or they dont. Hope is essentially just an emotional excess baggage that we tag to stuff. Shall we all feel hopeless then?

What is life then?
People say life isnt about money or the material stuff. But many stumble while answering the question on what life truly is. Is life about the enrichment of others? Is it about bringing meaning to others? How then can one bring meaning to others if one does not know his meaning to self? Is life about making a difference?

Dear God,
honestly I dunno who you are, or your actual identity. Previously, I was never one to believe in Providence or higher intelligence or the Creator, but thinking about it now, it would be folly to think that everything that has happened in my life thus far is just by chance, that an organic chemical mixture of carbon hydrogen and oxygen that is me, can have thoughts and dreams by chance, that somehow all the interactions in this world and how our emotions, thoughts can just materialise from nothingness.

So God, if you do exist, tell me the reason for my existence, give me a reason to live my life fully. And while you are at it, take away my pain and hopefully make me stronger..

Thank you God.


Zhiwei

Not meant to be

Its been a while since I last updated. Quite some stuff have changed already actually.. well i guess thats life.. All good things must come to an end ba.. and dreams should just remain as well, dreams.. and sometimes sincerity and being nice just isnt enough.. not meant to be ba.. oh well..

Ok I am a lil emotional right now actually. so i welcome all gestures to hang out, chill, lobo, talk cock, yada yada.. but time still passes right, being emo isnt an excuse to stop living yar?

So.. here are my resolutions for 2009. Well honestly i dont have a habit of keeping to them in the 20 odd years of my existence.. so for once.. my first resolution would be to fulfil all of 2009's resolutions..

1) Stop feeling sorry for myself, I have done whatever I must, put in whatever I could, its time to learn to put it down and let it go..

2) All my races, but most importantly Singapore Bi and 1/2 Ironman. Multi discipline endurance sports has always been a dream. Its only now that I truely dared to chase them. This is the time, now. Bintan Singapore Pangerrang stdchart and ultimately Langkawi.. it all hinges on the feeling after 70.3. so please.. lemme do well.

3) Secure a job. Any job actually, now that the market is so bad.. Alternatively, go for an overseas placement. Work 1-2years in community development overseas. Perhaps a change in environment would be good, and hopefully I leave some baggage behind.. I don mind Kenya, Africa Nepal China East Europe, even SEA Cambodia or Vietnam. Anywhere but here in Sgp..

I have realised my life's pretty screwed up actually.. I mean it started pretty well.. From RedSwastika to Dunman High. Then it went downhill all from there. VJ was disastrous. Army only so-so. NTU cui. Results cmi, CCA also ppl don want, Emomomo stuff also cui, is there a reset or clear all button?? no , i guess as much..

Stop lobo-ing, start working. Get my ass cracking.

This year is the year. Lets kickstart it from here.

Likely that all this is just the emotions gone bonkers right now.. but still, one will hafta try somehow eh?

Usher in the new life.. here. now.

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