A letter to The Creator

If it is true that there is a Creator, here would be some stuff I would like to ask Him..

Dear God,

What is the reason for my existence?
It seem that I don't have much for my parents to be proud of. Instead, I have been disappointing and worrying them. I am not an example that my brother can look up to. In fact, it seems my brother is so much more successful than I am. It seems that I don't bring much happiness to my friends. It seems that I deride on others often, that I am noisy for I am lonely inside, I am loud for I am quiet inside.

What is success then? How can I be successful?
While it is generally accepted that success is always subjective, it seems that I have always been a failure. Failure in the many stuff that I embark on, either given up halfway or incomplete. How can I feel success then? On the benchmark of others or mine? Does society determine success?

What is love?
I am sure I have experienced unconditional love from my parents. I mean, the things that transpired throughout my mundane existence, probably only those termed family, have the stomach to bear. But how about friends? Someone special? Friends I have, and many close ones too, but dont we all eventually part? Besides, arent the emotional friendship deposits and cashouts just another form of transaction, no? Someone special isnt something I can even comment on. You see, its non-existence in my life thus far.. and very likely will remain thus for a long time..

What is hope?
It seems that hope is essentially more pain and suffering. For the greater the hope, the greater the eventual dispair. Things either just happen, or they dont. Hope is essentially just an emotional excess baggage that we tag to stuff. Shall we all feel hopeless then?

What is life then?
People say life isnt about money or the material stuff. But many stumble while answering the question on what life truly is. Is life about the enrichment of others? Is it about bringing meaning to others? How then can one bring meaning to others if one does not know his meaning to self? Is life about making a difference?

Dear God,
honestly I dunno who you are, or your actual identity. Previously, I was never one to believe in Providence or higher intelligence or the Creator, but thinking about it now, it would be folly to think that everything that has happened in my life thus far is just by chance, that an organic chemical mixture of carbon hydrogen and oxygen that is me, can have thoughts and dreams by chance, that somehow all the interactions in this world and how our emotions, thoughts can just materialise from nothingness.

So God, if you do exist, tell me the reason for my existence, give me a reason to live my life fully. And while you are at it, take away my pain and hopefully make me stronger..

Thank you God.


Zhiwei